How Many 90 Year Olds Could You Take in a Fight?

Please describe your experience with martial arts, such as kickboxing, karate, or jujitsu.

1. I'm well trained and highly skilled at martial arts
2. I've had training, but I'm out of practice
3. I've had a little bit of training
4. No training whatsoever

Do you have any any experience wrestling?

1. Yes, I used to be a wrestler (high school, college)
2. Some experience (wrestling with friends or siblings)
3. No experience

Would you be able to pick up someone who weighs 100 lbs (45kg), hold them over your head, and throw them several feet across the room?

1. Yes
2. Maybe
3. No

If someone wearing dentures bit you and drew blood, how would you react?

1. I panic at the first sight of blood
2. I'd be rattled, but I'd power through it and keep fighting
3. I'd bite the son of a bitch back

Do you lift weights?

1. Yes, regularly
2. Sometimes
3. No, never

In your lifetime, how many fights have you been in?

1. None
2. 1-2
3. 3-5
4. 6-8
5. 9 or more

Do you know any sleeper holds or choke techniques?

1. Yes
2. No

Do you know any pressure points on the human body that when struck would effectively disable a person in a single blow? (the balls don't count, everyone is wearing cups)

1. Yes
2. No

Do you have a high pain tolerance?

1. Yes
2. Average
3. No, I'm a gigantic pansy

How tall are you?

1. Very tall
2. Tall
3. Average
4. Short
5. Very Short

If an elderly person picked a fight with you in the street, how would you most likely react?

1. I'd walk away, clearly they are suffering from dementia
2. I'd try to reason with them, but if they punch first, I'd punch back
3. I'd look for the nearest garbage can or two-by-four to hit them with - having superior weaponry is key when fighting a senior citizen

Choose the option that best describes your body type:

1. Overweight
2. Obese
3. Slim/Slender
4. Average
5. A few extra pounds
6. Muscular

Are you able to multi-task? In other words: could you keep a senior in a headlock, meanwhile spinning around and kicking others in the face?

1. Yes
2. No

Have you ever been in a mosh pit at a concert? (a serious mosh pit: everyone is mashed together, trampling, sweat, and lots of accidental head-butting

1. Yes
2. No

Morally speaking, how would you feel about fighting the elderly?

1. This is sick and wrong
2. If I'm fighting for my life, morality takes a backseat to survival
3. They're pretty close to exiting this world anyway, I'm just speeding up the process
4. I have no problem with this. If the elderly want to fight, they better be ready for a roundhouse kick straight to the mouth.