10. Tell him he looks like your father.
9. Tell him he looks like your mother.
8. Talk about your doll collection in the third person.
7. Talk about your recent hernia operation.
6. Showing him the hernia you keep in a jar by your bed.
5. Call him every 15 minutes, leaving a voicemail asking what he's doing.
4. Talk about your co-workers annoying habits while picking food off his plate.
3. Talk about children and marriage on the first date.
2. Say you look nothing like your picture after you send him a picture of Jessica Simpson.
1. Last but not least, never say, "I've seen bigger" about any part of his body.

I am looking for an incredibly intelligent and amazingly beautiful woman. Please be interesting. No stalkers or clingy people please.

I have 9 houses, 93 cars, 6 wives (they don't know each other), 18 kids (that I know of), and a pet monkey. OK, seriously, are you really reading this far because you are dying to know all my accomplishments? If you are interested in me, you might find out...(*wink*)