I have live my life through diffrent shades of blacks. Who I have become can't be a surprice. I have a good heart but we all do wrong I really mean well but I feel im going to strong. But people keep talking and its Ok, I will let the Lord guide my way...I'm ready for heaven cuz I have already been through hell. I appreciated all my bad times cuz with out them I can't appreciate the good times. Can't have one with out the other. To live is to sufer and I'm leaving it up, face every day ****, up. I ain't giving up. If I ain't giving a **** then who will??So I hope for the best knowing that life is !!!up hill...I'm an emotional individual something just gets to me you know what im saying?? I could not be any other way... I have to not be afraid to cry I HAVE TO... What don't kill me makes me stronger and I ain't dead yet... I been going through what im going through. Pay attetion now this is not something that you just write about I can be a real ass hole for real sometimes that's why I have lie, cheat, and steal sometimes I know god made me but what am I supost to think he made me for??? When he only gave me war. My whole life has been a strugle but I know I'm half way through the strugle, god if you are lisining I need you to help me cross this bridge before you lose this kid. My back agaist the wall I'm under pressure like I'm about to fall but I feel that he is like NO I won't let ya... This is the **** we go through in order to get to that place we all gonna end up at. Lets think about it its eather heaven or hell where am I gonna end up at??? Way back people that knew me said I was a lil' bad mathu ****a or, was I really? or was I just miss understood???? I don't know if I can take it slow sometimes I don't know if I'm gonna make it holding mine but I'm gonna do the best I can and as long as I'm guided by his hand then thats the best way.... latelly I have learn to stop asking why just learn to see thing for what they really are and appreciated them or do what I have to do to over come them.