THE BASIC REQUIREMENTS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

YOU MUST HAVE YOUR OWN:
(A) JOB
(B) CAR
(C) RESIDENCE
(D) TEETH
(E) ALL OF THE ABOVE

BUT NOW THAT I HAVE BEEN ON THESE WEBSITES FOR A WHILE, AND I SEE WHAT I SEE, I AM GOING TO DARE TO GET ALOT MORE SPECIFIC, SINCE I KNOW VERY WELL WHAT I LIKE AND WHAT I DONT LIKE --- WHICH IS WHAT I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW ---

YOU MUST NOT BE SCARED OF:
(A) THE DESERT
(B) ALTERNATIVE ENERGY TECHNOLOGY
(C) STRAIGHT AND HONEST CONVERSATION --- NO SUGAR COATING ALLOWED
(D) THE POLITICALLY INCORRECT --- I PREFER GUYS THAT CUSS- THEY ARE MORE HONEST
(E) YOUR OWN ATTORNEY - VAMPI DID NOT ATTEND LAW SCHOOL - SO FILE YOUR OWN DARN DIVORCE PAPERS
(F) OH MY GOSH! SHE'S NOT FAT - OTHER GUYS MIGHT WANT TO GO OUT WITH HER!
(F) SHE DIDN'T ANSWER HER PHONE - SHE MUST BE OUT CHEATING ON ME

AND ANOTHER THING --- FOR THOSE OF YOU ASKING ME SILLY QUESTIONS --- NO, I AM NOT INTO THE GOTH THING AND I AM NOT REALLY A VAMPIRE --- I AM A LIVING, BREATHING, HUMAN BEING, WITH A JOB, A HOUSE, & A CAR --- DON'T ANY OF YOU REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE A KID? I KNOW I STILL DO, AND VAMPIRELLA WAS MY FAVORITE COMIC BOOK AS A KID & STILL IS.

ALSO, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE A BASIC AVERAGE "JOE" WITH BASIC, AVERAGE TASTES, I AM NOT GOING TO BE RIGHT FOR YOU --- I NEED SOMEONE WHO IS THICK SKINNED AND JUST A BIT DIFFERENT FROM THOSE AROUND HIM; SOMEONE WHO IS TIRED OF WEAK, SCARED, FRAIL LITTLE WOMEN --- AND WANTS SOMEONE NOT ONLY TO WALK AT HIS SIDE, BUT WHO IS CAPABLE OF BEING ON HIS SIDE AS HIS ALLY.

UPDATE: HERE IS MY MUCH MORE FUN --- NEW AND IMPROVED LIST:
1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.
2. GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.
3. IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING.
4. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.
5. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES,SEEKS FROG.
6. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN. SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
7. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN
8. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.
9. DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.
10. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN - AND I HAVE A GUN.
11. GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. BUT LIKE... WHO CARES?
12. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES
13. AND YOUR POINT IS?
14. WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
15. OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
16. DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.
17. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP.
18. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.
19. I'M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.
20. HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?